How to Avoid Misgendering
Release time：2023-11-09 11:37:01 oRead0
Section 1 of 5:
What is misgendering?
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Misgendering is the act of acknowledging the wrong gender for someone (intentionally or not) or assuming someone's gender based on the way they look/act. An example of misgendering would be using she/her pronouns for someone who actually uses they/them, or assuming somebody with long hair is a girl. Misgendering can be harmful for many reasons.
- Misgendering is common for trans people, but cisgender people who appear to be another gender and/or have unisex names can also be misgendered.
- It can have bad consequences for people's mental health. Constantly and intentionally misgendering or deadnaming a trans person can cause dysphoria, anxiety, distress, depression, overall sadness, and impact their ability to function in daily life due to not feeling "seen". Several studies have shown that misgendering is extremely harmful.
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1
Refer to someone with gender neutral terms before you get to know them. Use "they/them" and "person" to refer to somebody before you know their gender. For example, if you see a stranger at the park with a dog, you could say, "The person with the red shirt is walking their dog," rather than "That lady is walking her dog."
- It will be likely be awkward for you and the other person when you called them "he" and "a guy" just because they had a buzz cut.
- 2 Avoid making assumptions on someone based on how they look. Simply because somebody is wearing a dress doesn't mean they are a woman, and somebody with short hair isn't automatically a man. Don't make assumptions about someone's gender until you've met them.
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3
Ask how the person would like to be referred to when you get the chance. The best time to ask for someone's gender or pronouns are when you introduce yourself. You could state your pronouns, along with your name, for example; "Hello! I'm Sam. My pronouns are she/her and he/him. What's your name and what pronouns do you use?"
- Many people don't like being asked what their pronouns are. For trans people, it can seem like being asked if they're trans, which can be a problem, especially if they're stealth. You can also ask for their name or gender directly.
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4
Get creative when greeting friends. Use words like "y'all" and "folks," "greetings," "everyone," or "friends," when addressing your comrades, rather than "guys" or "ladies and gentlemen" to be more inclusive.
- At all costs, avoid using phrases like "guys, gals and nonbinary pals" "girls, gays and theys" since it reduces trans and nonbinary down to gender and pronouns.
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Correct yourself, and move on. There's no need to make a scene after you've made a mistake with someone's name or pronouns. Apologize, correct yourself, and quickly move on. For example: "Jessie left his--sorry, their--bag at home this morning."
- Apologizing repeatedly or talking about how you're trying to remember your friends pronouns but you have a terrible memory and you're so, so sorry will only make it awkward for the both of you. It most likely won't be the first or last time they've misgendered. Keep things simple and short.
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Bring up the situation with the person you misgendered, and apologize. Begin by going somewhere private with the person, and bring up the time you misgendered them. Start with something like, "Hey, Maya. I'm really sorry about when I misgendered you on the party last Friday. I'll try my best not to do it again in the future. Are we still cool?" Apologizing will show that you care about them and their feelings.
- Try not to make a big deal out of this. Some people might have forgotten you misgendered them or brushed it off. Some people might remember. Either way, it's important to apologize.